Colin Z Smith
Writing The Bible And Other Rubbish

Fisher
The coming-up sun tickles my flippers, I wake and remember how hungry I am. Eyes open quickly, must make sure nobody’s eating my grass. No, nobody. They all have their own grass, but some of them will run out soon so they might try stealing mine. That’s why I sleep in it now instead of among the rocks on the sand. Somebody might try stealing it.

The Samson Trap
Detective Inspector Goliath looked over the carnage with raised eyebrows. “How many of them did you say there were?” he asked his Egyptian assistant, squatting in the mud.
DS Abdullah looked up

On Succeeding to Fail to Write an Italian Sonnet
I set out to write a sonnet, but failed
to fit the words into the rhyming scheme.
So, I checked which styles other poets seemed
to favour, and just what their craft entailed.

On Succeeding to Fail to Write an Italian Sonnet
I set out to write a sonnet, but failed
to fit the words into the rhyming scheme.
So, I checked which styles other poets seemed

If...
If you can keep your plot when all about you
Are losing theirs and trying to nick yours;
If you can keep your cool when people clout you
With bad reviews that point out all your flaws;

Hear and Obey
A semi-detached in Golders Green. The kitchen. Mrs Noah is at the sink, rinsing smalls. In the background, an automatic washing machine can be heard chomping its way through its daily diet of socks. The reassuring “chink, tinkle, smash” of dishwasher-proof cups and bowls can also be

The Santa Offences
Santa Clause, out on his rounds one moonlit Christmas Eve
Visited a brand-new town, their Christmas gifts to leave.
But the first house that he got to caused our merry friend to frown;

The Child Awakes
A voice sings to me, I open my eyes and look at the garden, and it’s as lovely as it was before, and I remember, which makes me happy. It’s bright where I’ve been asleep, so I have to look with my face sort of screwed up so it doesn’t hurt, which makes pretty patterns where the sun comes through the leaves and into my eyes. I do this for a while because the sun is warm, the patterns are pretty, and I can do what I want, so I do this.
My friend who calls

Time Writers
Agatha Christie, founder and current chairperson of Time Writers, glanced around at the assembled literati with satisfaction. Since forming the group the previous year, attendance had been growing steadily. Now the membership consisted of some two dozen assorted novelists, playwrights and poets - each of

As you sow, so shall you reap (50 word version)
“You need your job to live?” Businessman sneered. “I can’t afford your wages!”
As you sow, so shall you reap (100 word version)
Septimus Harrowby snarled at his employee across the desk. “You need your job to live? I

Kelly
“There, Ems, there’s a table by the window. Go grab it quick.”
Me and Kelly race to the table and plonk our hot chocolates down on it before anyone else can grab it first. We slide into the seats -

Record
Whitechapel Police Station, 30th June 1957.
It’ll be a long time before I’m allowed to use a typewriter again, so the policeman on duty’s given me permission to type my own statement. He says it’ll save him the bother of having to use his “highly proficient, one-finger method.” Lazy sod.
The reason I’m here is Rock ‘n’ Roll. I can’t get it out of

Dermot Takes A Holiday
It being six o’clock, most of the shops on the High Street were closed. The only exceptions were the late night chemist, there to cater for emergency medication and the occasional courting couple requiring protection, McDonalds, which stayed open till eleven every night, and Starbucks, which was due to shut as soon as its last