Colin Z Smith
Writing The Bible And Other Rubbish

There’d been two workmen, and at first they’d seemed nice fellows, if a touch condescending. They’d fitted the new central heating system quickly and efficiently, and apparently with little interest for anything other than the pipes and radiators they were working with - however, Agatha had kept a close eye on them, surreptitiously, for she

Shatter Glass
Dorothy Delaine could see the contempt in Charlotte Parker’s large brown eyes. However - smiling cheerfully, still playing the part of a friend, she drained the last of the wine from the bottle into the other’s glass, and watched in satisfaction as she took it down in one swift mouthful.
The glass trembled slightly as the girl set it down,

Writing The Bible
“In the beginning,” said Aaron, writing it down as he spoke, “God created an atomic nucleus, infinitesimally small, into which the whole vast sum of all the matter in the universe was compressed.”
Miriam raised a hand shyly. “Excuse

The Great August Bank Holiday Bank Holiday Bank Raid
“I still say somefink feels wrong,” whined Charlie, waving his oxy-acetylene torch round in an arc.
“Oi, you berk,” growled Lefty, busy reading the instructions for lighting the fuse on the stick of dynamite he was jamming into the very large and heavy bank-vault door in front of him: “you could ‘ave

The Climber
“Misty, c’mon girl.”
Terry Graham negotiated the icy coast-path between the Valley of Rocks and the nearby town of Lynton, all the time gazing about him at the spectacular view afforded by the sun-reflecting snow nestling on the craggy slopes - the sea on his left-hand side creating a stunning azure contrast. Occasionally

In The Beginning
“Look,” said God, “I want you to do this. The future hangs on it.”
On an impulse he reached across and gently but firmly snapped Adam’s jaw shut. “I really do,” he reiterated. “It really is important. Really.”

I Need A Plane, Man!
The word of the Lord came to Jonah, son of Amittai: “Go to the great city of London and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.”
But Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed for California. He went down to Heathrow, where he found a

Hamlet’s Dilemma
To garlic, or not to garlic, that is the question.
Whether ‘tis nobler on the heart to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous bad breath;
Or to take extra-strong mints against a sea of disgusted-looks-from-my-friends,
And, by taking them, rot my teeth?
To diet - to eat no more:
And, by a diet, to say we end the

Septimus and the Parrot
Septimus Hardimus Laudemus Giggs
Once purchased a parrot, and cared not two figs
For whether the parrot was living or dead,
Or whether it flew or just stood on its head.
Said Septimus Hardimus

Naaman’s Healing
What a bloody cheek! This is my stretch of water - my seven square feet of it. I fought bloody hard to get this stretch, I can tell you. Cleared it all the way around - and then he blundered in.
First time was bad enough. I was having a nice doze, lulled by

Hamlet’s Father
“Ooh, you do look a treat,” says Sally, liberally smearing green paint over my forehead.
Margie pauses on her way to deliver a costume. “Hamlet’s meant to be mad, dear,” she says, “not gangrenous.”
Jack, stage manager, is on the telephone. “I told you, this is an open-air performance for the Bideford North Devon Festival celebrations. We don’t need no scenery.”
He listens.
“Because, there ain’t nowhere to